Nothing but Software - Appraisal Time Now :-)

Disease – Appraisalosis
Period of Disease – Occurs every 6 months between Dec - Jan and Apr – May [majorly depending on the place of survival]
Symptoms
1. Irritation about future happenings
2. Mind will start searching for justifications
3. Getting prepared for boxing
4. Enemies will suddenly appear and mostly will wear Manager mask
5. Relationships breaks
6. Sudden inquisitiveness about others and brutal satisfaction on other’s losses
Precautions
Nothing as of now. Everyone who is in s/w should go through it. Cursed. No Escape

This is May 2008. Symptoms started on others. I am in peace. Eternal peace. I am not disturbed. Funny :) I am not irritated. Wow!! I am not interested in fighting. Cool :)
I am smiling @ people who can even lower my rating purposefully. Great :):):)

Am I tensed? Am I nervous? Am I worried about my rating?

NOPE, NOT AT ALL ... :):)

Is anything wrong w/ me? AM I OK? Will people be thinking that I’ve gone nuts if I don’t show any symptoms? :(:( Now that worries me...

Why am I like this? Might be this is my ...wait I am counting....8th appraisal yeah  4.5yrs in a company. That’s the reason I guess. Got used to this 

I remember my first appraisal :) Still fresh in my memory.

It was Apr 2004. I was being told about this appraisal process. First hurdle I faced was “Filling up my tasks” Good!! That confused me. Though I worked for 2/3 months in a project. I was still in confusion, what are my responsibilities. What I did in these 2/3 months? Yeah, Big question. I approached my senior guy and asked him...

“Hi eee...... [eeeiii. Did my smile showing up that I came to him for some favour?”
“Hi....”
“Busy??”
“Its ok. Tell me”[anyways you’ve troubled me, go ahead]
“Actually, this appraisal. I want to know, what we should fill in the tasks column”
“hmm..Fill the tasks whatever you did”
[I didn’t know that right. Then will I be filling your tasks or what]
“oh okie. I got it. But what to fill?... means exactly?”
“whatever you did, you fill. Okie”
[wow!! That’s a great answer...grrhhhh!!!]
“hey thanks! Thanks for the information”

I don’t understand what satisfaction these people get by making us to take a run around w/o giving straight forward answers. I remembered this
“Software folks shouldn’t code straight forward and anything that can be done w/ in 2 lines of code should at least run for 2 pages”

I thought might be this guy is that software guy they are talking about. Two days went by I didn’t fill anything in the tasks. Open the appraisal form and close it back. Like a spy, I kept on watching others and peeping into their monitors when they open their appraisal form. I will get alarmed when I see someone‘s screen glows w/ that blue colour form. Stretching from my chair abnormally, doing acrobats and all possible tricks, I ended up finding only one task 

Then spoke w/ my batch mates who were in the same boat as me and finally filled up something. Then the biggest thing was self-rating. How to rate myself? I never did that before not even in my mind or heart. Now in a form and that to submitting it to some person. I thought I am the noblest and straight forward person ever been born on this earth, trying to the truthful, I gave a self-rating of B [which means ‘Met Expectations’] and submitted to my manager.

I was so happy w/ the way I filled my form and about the genuineness I showed. I thought day and Night about the appreciation and accolades I am going to get during appraisal. I rehearse led about explaining them to my friends and consoling them about their bad appraisals. Then the D-day came. My manager called me for appraisal. I stood up from my desk, gave a wide smile to my teammates and entered into the conf room hiding all my tension and nervousness.
[ My teammates gave a grin when I went, I didn’t understood that signal that time  which I did later]

I entered. I didn’t know what happened for nearly 1 hour. Like a rabbit got caught in a Lion’s den
I was chased end to end and torn into pieces  I got the lowest rating which I didn’t even dream off. My manager convinced me that I am a horrible resource and I am unfit to be in software. I came out to realise that are much more wounded preys like me hee hee all my friends and we felt a crude happiness that everyone had that rude shock treatment.

My first appraisal was a heart broke to me; I fought to the core and came out losing the battle. Second appraisal, I felt very disappointed and they played a new game named ‘politics’ and before even I get ready, I got plasters and came out. Third appraisal gave me a thought like “Will these things also happen???”

No..No I am not going to say about all my appraisals. Now one of my recent appraisals went like this..
“This is your appraisal form. Are you ok w/ it?”
[Like a Buddha w/ peace in my face, I smiled @ my PM when he gave the form to me]
“yeah Its fine”
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah! Absolutely fine w/ me”
[He got confused, why am I not fighting after entering the boxing ring]
“Sure????”
“Yes”
“ok...”
[He gotta confusion of his lifetime, thinking what I will do next? Will I escalate? Or will I leave it as such? Why I am not fighting back? What could be my plans?]

First time, I started liking appraisals  Appraisal is a formality which occurs @ some time and the results are pre-determined well before the actual tasks are planned and it purely depends on person and not the tasks or talent. Well briefly..Appraisals are person oriented evaluated based on persons and not the work you do :):) So.....just keep smiling and let it pass by :-D